Kelley Greene – Medium

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Kelley Greene
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Slackjaw

Let Me Tell You About My New MLM, The Borg

I know what this sounds like, but let me assure you — The Borg is not a pyramid scheme!

3 min readMar 4, 2021

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Let Me Tell You About My New MLM, The Borg

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Kelley Greene
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Welcome to The Glasgow Belladonna Experience

The Belladonna Newsie is back in full swing and excited for Spring!

2 min readMar 8, 2024

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Welcome to The Glasgow Belladonna Experience

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Kelley Greene
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Birth Announcement From Your Friends That Live In A Bus

We are thrilled to share this newsletter announcing the birth of our 5th child, Tundra.

4 min readFeb 23, 2024

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Birth Announcement From Your Friends That Live In A Bus

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Kelley Greene
in
Slackjaw

Enjoy Your Flight Next To Me, The Worst Person On This Plane

I’m sure you’re wondering why my feet are exposed, and it’s because I took my shoes off as soon as I sat down.

4 min readOct 2, 2023

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Enjoy Your Flight Next To Me, The Worst Person On This Plane

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Kelley Greene

Pixelated Space Girl

A frame-by-frame analysis of NSYNC’s 1997 “I Want You Back” music video

14 min readJul 25, 2023

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Justin is leaning against glass facing the camera and the other guys are leaning on each other looking forlorn while weird metallic looking shapes feature in the background and also partially obscure them

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Kelley Greene
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Layoff Announcement From Your High School Boyfriend

I need to reduce my girlfriend headcount by 50%. Unfortunately, your position has been eliminated.

4 min readJan 26, 2023

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a smug-looking blond boy with glasses wearing a blazer holds up his cell phone while looking in to the camera

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Kelley Greene
in
Greener Pastures Magazine

People Who Have Made Less Concessions Than Kevin McCarthy

Me, with my high school boyfriend (he had a car)

1 min readJan 18, 2023

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People Who Have Made Less Concessions Than Kevin McCarthy

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Kelley Greene
in
Slackjaw

You’re Invited to a Targaryen Family Reunion!

I cannot stress this enough: please, no murdering. This is meant to be a fun, relaxing time to get to know each other!

4 min readSep 22, 2022

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You’re Invited to a Targaryen Family Reunion!

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Kelley Greene
in
Greener Pastures Magazine

I, A Millennial, Have Come to Accept That I Am The Problem

I’ve finally realized the truth: everything is definitely my fault

3 min readAug 26, 2022

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I, A Millennial, Have Come to Accept That I Am The Problem

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Kelley Greene
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Other Famous Pauls Warn That The British Are Coming

Pope John Paul II: “Release two plumes of white smoke from the watchtower and say three Hail Marys, if by sea.”

2 min readApr 18, 2022

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Paul Revere, in his tri-cornered hat, carries a lantern and rides a brown horse toward the viewer. From the left, a resident is rushing out of his home after him, carrying his gun.

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Kelley Greene

Kelley Greene

Writer and performer based in Chicago. Sentient wheel of cheese, found online at kelleygreene.pizza or Twitter/Instagram @kelleygreene

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