In the event of a severe flood, please remain at your home workstation until the water has reached your knees

Dear Employees,

We know the last year and a half has been incredibly difficult for you. Through massive social injustice, a global pandemic, and catastrophic weather patterns, you’ve had a lot of questions. Questions like, “What can I do if I’m unable to work during an illness?” “Will I be…


I ate a donut and ruined my radical diet where you don’t eat sugar or anything associated with girliness, joy and positivity.

**By Catherine Weingarten and Kelley Greene**

“[Gwyneth] Paltrow also admitted that the ceaseless stress of an unprecedented medical emergency sparking chaos across the globe pushed her into the warm, welcoming arms of gluten. Hence, alongside those two alcoholic cocktails, Paltrow even found herself “making pasta and eating bread.”- Forbes, 2021

Dear Die-ary,

This veek sucked, again. I can’t believe it’s Halloveen and ve’re still stuck inside our mausoleum. October is the most important month of the year, and yet, here ve are, qvarantined. Just drive a vooden stake through my heart, vhy don’t you?

Vlad has been classified as an…

“Amazon has deleted two job listings posted to its corporate employment website detailing “intelligence analyst” roles that involved, among other duties, monitoring ‘labor organizing threats’ within the company. The listings, which were posted days ago, first began circulating on Twitter earlier today, before Amazon removed them in response to widespread…

Kelley Greene

Writer and performer based in Chicago. Sentient wheel of cheese, found online at or Twitter/Instagram @kelleygreene

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