I’m Alive During Trump’s Fifth Term and Things Are Fine

Donald J. Trump has just been “re-elected” for his fifth four-year term, since for the 4th election cycle in a row “someone” has been spying on his campaign, entitling him to an additional term in office. And as a woman in her early 30s, I had so much fear about the future after his first term. So, I wanted to let you know — things have turned out just fine.

It’s true that we’ve had to move outside the city since it was overrun by Mad Max-esque, truck-nutz bearing militias, but we’re still able to shop in some of our favorite stores, like Traitor Joes and Suburban Outfitters. Climate change has caused nearly constant wildfires that even reminds me of the city lights! Of course the acid rain makes them smolder now and again, but that brings about a nice, hazy glow that makes the perfect Instagram filter.

If you’re wondering, he did finally get that wall built — and Mexico paid for it! There were so many Americans flooding across the border that they’d finally had enough. Interestingly, Canada is now in the process of putting up their own. I did hear that Trump is considering nuking us loose from the continent, which would make for a lot more beach front property.

It’s hard to dislike the super-funded police these days. They’re our cab drivers, restaurant workers, grocery store cashiers, teachers…